Why we do not have enough men
First of all... thank you, so much, to all the men that had the courage to write/answer me. Some of them found my private email address... and they can be sure that their 'secret'/email is safe with me. Not even Bert knows about them.
It was an eye opener and I have been waiting for a whole week to 'reveal' the outcome to you, my dear female friends. So read on, it will change your whole life, hopefully.
Remember, we asked why we did not have enough men on the dance floor, we were looking for more men....? I guess you remember my last sentence.
So, ok ... women lead on the emotional level. What does that actually mean? Do we understand what Bert told us a couple of weeks ago? I personally understand that it means that we women have power to control something - in this case the men just by using a bit of charm - not more we need to do. Try it!
Men are so sensitive - that I knew already from many years on the planet. They have a very soft space somewhere inside them that gets hurt so easily - not controlling our voice or being angry at them is enough to push that button. They react differently some of them with a quiet approach so you would not know what you did and some of them get loud. Yes, we all think a man is a man, tough guy in every aspect. Ok yes, that is what they project - to look good. They are not... it is actually the opposite. It is actually the opposite!!!
One man told me that, finally, after a lot of consideration and having been to the toilet twice, he has the guts to talk to you/ or invite you to dance with him, and you are thinking "Oh no! not this guy again..." and you go on to the floor with a feeling of disappointment and perhaps boredom. He actually feels all that, believe me... he feels your boredom and your disappointment and he knows it's because he asked you to dance. You lead emotionally and this is the emotion you lead with... what else must he feel... and yet he tries to impress you with an outstanding tango dance..... but with your negative thoughts and uncomfortable feelings - no way the tango will be a good one. So you look around and search for the teacher again.
Then.... you go onto the dance floor and give that guy an emotional blast. Emotional blast.... what is that? Well, you have no problem telling him that something is wrong with him and his dance and approach. And it comes with such damnation and lack of appreciation... so much ego and arrogance... he feels that blast! it makes him feel like a little boy with his mommy telling him what to do and how... yee!!! that is the worst.
And then you wonder why he does not want to dance with you again or... stays away forever? We have not made him feel appreciated or confident ... we told him what to do and how, in the worst possible way. We lead with an uncomfortable emotion and crushed his self-confidence and FUN. These guys you treat with a negative 'emotional blast' will never come back to the dance floor. It is up to us to make them feel appreciated and enjoyed.
I, for example, compliment him on anything... does not matter what, maybe, his aftershave or good hair cut. Stroke his ego a bit... make him feel wanted.
Some of the men told me that it feels like the women only want to dance with a teacher and not waste any time with someone who doesn't know too much or is a beginner dancer. And yet some of the women are so bad themselves... and insensitive about it, that they blame all their bad dancing on the men.
But worst of all, the men say, is the emotional blast... and it scares them. Yes, one man actually said that it "SCARES" him. Puhh, my fellow ladies, if that is the case then, yes, we will always have a shortage of men on the dance floor.
If we are going to be blasting them with emotions, let's make sure it's enjoyment, appreciation, patience and charm. We can do that, we know how... not so?
Never underestimate him, there is a special person behind every mask, we just have to look for it. So much beauty in each and every person, so much special-ness ... just give him a chance and LISTEN.
"Listen" is also a word that came up a lot. No-one is listening anymore. We talk and talk but do we actually listen? are we trying to understand... understand what our men could be going through...? I found out that I had no clue what they were going through until I got their responses to my Weekly Write Up... and I am so glad that they had the guts to talk about it.
We women think we know everything beforehand and just want a hot guy that looks like a lot of money and success. What has that got to do with Tango? Maybe a lot of us are looking for the perfect partner on the dance floor... and if it is not the perfect partner? ...then the emotional blast is just around the corner. We don't enjoy him and so how can he enjoy us?
And this is not just on the dance floor... I have a lot of friends who do not enjoy their boyfriends or husbands because they are together for the wrong reasons... the only reason to dance with a man... the only reason to be with a man, or a women for that matter, is to enjoy them... to love them like crazy... even if it is only for 3 minutes of the Tango.
256 men... how did I do it? every single time a man asked me to dance... I was so glad and willing to enjoy every minute with him... his embrace, his lead, his smell, his creation of a dance to the music of passion... I felt honoured... I felt special to be invited to dance... I know now that I lead them to those highs just cause I was feeling them...
There were women there with me in BsAs... who complained every night that no one danced with them... but they were desperate, miserable ladies with agendas and attitudes... of course the men could feel this... and who wants to be lead into that kind of emotional place?
256 men... because I enjoyed and appreciated each one of them... with no bad moods or expectations... except to have a love affair for 3 minutes...
Did you ever notice that when they (the men) ask us to dance, they give their best to make us feel good on the dance floor ... so in return what is wrong making them feel good too?
We must look after our men ... be patient and appreciate them... charm them and make them feel good... else they will not come dance with us anymore...
Nos vemos, see you on the dance floor hopefully on Sunday,