Every woman wants to dance...

Two weeks ago I left you with a provocative quote: “Every woman wants to dance…she’s just waiting for an invitation. Every man wants to have sex… he’s just waiting for an invitation.” This week… I promised to explain this.

I am a man. I was born this way. My physical body is masculine. We all accept this… and so when I ask a lady to Tango, there is no argument about who leads and who follows. Because my physical body is male… I lead on the physical level. It’s harder for a woman to lead my bigger, heavier, rigid body around the dance floor. And with this bigger, stronger body, it is easier for me to lead a lighter, smaller, feminine body through a Tango. Try switching roles sometimes, ladies… and see how difficult and heavy your man is to lead.

This physical body is the first body. Dance happens on the Physical level… and so “Every woman wants to dance… she’s just waiting for an invitation.”

The second body is the body of the senses. Hear, touch, taste, see and smell… but more than that, it is also the body of instinct and sexuality. It is our sexual body. I like to call them bodies because it makes the visualisation of these more abstract levels easier. In a man the second body is female and in a woman this body is male.

What this means is that on the level of the senses and sexuality, the woman has the bigger, stronger, body. It’s why woman have a higher threshold for pain, why they tend to hear and see better than men, and why they give birth. (Just the pain of labour would be enough to kill a man… since his sexual body of senses is feminine. It could not handle the immense amount of pain.) So, what this means, too, is that, on this level, a woman leads… since her sexual body is masculine. Think about this: If a man went to a bar and tried to get sexual with 10 women… if he was lucky 1 would accept his advances. However, if a woman went to a bar and tried to get sexual with 10 men… 9 out of the 10 would accept her advances… why?

Let’s bring it back to the first body… back to the physical level. Dancing a Tango happens on the Physical level… if you go to any dance hall you will find that the women outnumber the men about 6 to 1. More women are willing to dance than men. The female is always more willing to follow than the male is to lead. On a sexual level… where men are relative females… men are more willing to follow on this level than women are to lead… And it’s why it is also easier for a woman to seduce a man than it is for a man to seduce a woman… Hence… “Every man wants to have sex… he’s just waiting for an invitation.”

Let’s face it… we all joke that men have sex on the brain 80% of the time… right?

Now, on the Physical level, the men ask the women to dance, because the men lead. Men…?!? Have you ever been dragged onto the dance floor by a woman who, then, starts to twirl and turn and dance around on her own while holding on to your hands… tying your arms in knots… and then tries to turn and spin you… almost knocking you out, ‘cause her arms are too short and she’s just so damned clumsy at this…? Have you ever…? You know what I’m talking about…right? It’s the worst thing in the world. As a guy, you feel like an idiot… it feels wrong and you definitely don’t have a good time…. Right, guys?

Let’s take it back to the sexual level. When a man tries to get sexual with a woman… putting his hands all over her and trying to get into her clothes… he is being just like that woman who drags him onto the dance floor and ties him in knots. Trying to drag a woman on to the sexual dance floor is just not natural and right… and I promise it feels just as uncomfortable for the woman as it does for you when she drags you on to the floor to dance when you don’t want to…

What should be happening?

In a dance hall… the women arrive and wonder up to the men they would like to dance with. They flirt with these men and drop hints like… “I hope you’ll come and ask me to dance tonight…” The women never ask the men to dance… but they do let them know that they would like to dance with them. Then they go and sit and wait for the invitations.

On the sexual level, too, that’s the way it should be… A guy will flirt with a woman and let her know that he is interested in her sexually… then wait for the invitation. And if it never comes…? What happens to the ladies in the dance halls that never get asked to dance…? They sit out all night. And that may be disappointing but that’s just how it goes sometimes. (Or… they force a man to dance with them. If a man forces sex on a woman… it is rape!)

The important thing to remember here is this: every woman wants to dance…but she doesn’t, necessarily, want to dance with every man that invites her to dance… every man wants sex but he doesn’t, necessarily, want to have sex with every woman that invites him to have sex.

And let’s face it ladies, how many of you have used your sexual appeal to lead a man down the garden path…? Men are easy… right? …you just have to show a bit of cleavage or a sexy leg… just the hint of sex and you can have a guy wrapped around your little finger. If you have never been able to do this to a man it’s only because you have never learnt to lead on this level… just like most guys have never learnt lead a lady in a Tango.

The implications of all this, are vast and far reaching… I have only scratched the surface. But I must move on.

Our third body is our mind. The part of us that thinks, worries, plans, day-dreams and comes up with ideas. It is creative. It is our intellectual body. It is also the part of us that we use to communicate most with… since language is an intellectual tool. On this level, once again, the men are male and the women are female. It’s why we guys often complain that women talk too much… they never get to the point. On an intellectual level, they are female and they just want to dance ie. talk. Men…? Have you ever heard a woman say: “We never talk anymore…? Just talk to me…! Tell me how you’re feeling!”… and when you answer “I feel fine.” She rolls her Eyes.

The forth body is the emotional body. It’s the body that “feels”. It is our feelings of joy or anger or fear or sadness, but is also that gut feel, that sixth sense we always credit women with. Intuition starts as a good or a bad “feeling” about something. This body is masculine in women and feminine in men.

It’s why we say that men battle to express their emotions, yet women get too emotional about things. Why women are considered more intuitive than men, and why men are considered more rational than women.

The other bodies beyond these are - what I would like to term - “spiritual bodies”. These are bodies that are closer to our true essence… whether you call it Light or God. These bodies are unisexual and a-sexual at the same time. It is from the eminence of these bodies that the female receives her intuitive feelings. These feelings will create disturbances in the emotional body that will then generate thoughts that may be irrational. It’s also why I said in earlier Write Ups that we have to learn to trust a woman’s intuition (Remember the example I gave: I wanted to go to Durban but my girlfriend wasn’t feeling good about it and made excuses about having to wash her hair and worrying about who will feed our cat…?!?... irrational…) Trust her feelings about things. If a woman has a funny feeling about something… follow that lead… 9 times out of 10 it will help keep you out of trouble or steer you in the right direction.

Understanding these first four bodies, the bodies with gender… and understanding that when we come together to Tango we naturally take on our roles as dictated by our gender… we can start to see that in any relationship, the natural tendency is for the Man to lead on the Physical and Intellectual levels since he is masculine on those levels, while the Woman leads on the Sexual and Emotional levels – since she is masculine on those levels. Neither Male nor Female should ever dominate in a relationship… only take responsibility for the roles they play on the different levels – physical, sexual, intellectual and emotional.

We also need to recognise which roles we play in each different situation that arises within our different relationships. Lead well when we are required to lead… and on the levels at which it is most natural for us to lead. And follow well when we are required to follow… and on the levels at which it is most natural for us to follow.

If we can learn to Tango well on a physical level, we can learn to Tango well on all the other levels, too - just by understanding, respecting and taking responsibility for our roles as relative male or relative female in our situations and relationships. Use your strengths to benefit your relationships - just as you use your masculinity or femininity to benefit your Tango - and I guarantee we will all live better lives together! Our World will become one big Milonga!